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Time, it's unforgiving and relentless, just like my inner voice

Time doesn't stop to smell the roses, it carries on, ever forward into the dark goodnight. Unlike time, I've been slowing down the last few weeks and taking stock. Sometimes I look around and wonder how I've ended up in a particular situation, like life is something that just happens to me and I have no control over any of it. That's thankfully not true.

So there are a few facts in life that I know to be true: Deadpool 2 is out soon, villains don't always have a curly moustache or a posh British accent, and change is something you can make happen for yourself. Accepting what life has given you and thinking you have no other option is a helpless thought many people allow to run their lives. I have been one of those for too long, thinking that someone else's behaviour was my fault or that I had to accept or forgive it.
Standards are not only something you are allowed to have, I actively encourage you to have them! The amount of times I've heard friends say…

Back to basics

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When life throws you a curve ball, shout plot twist and keep going.
That’s what I’ve learned from my years of writing. Sometimes the unexpected just happens, and it shocks you, but you should never let it stop you. Knowing what your goals are in life is important, and I find that no matter what else goes on around me, I always have those to keep me on a steady course.

This month has been all about tightening up skills. It’s good to have focus, I find if I don’t have a goal I flounder, and I don’t look great in yellow and blue stripes (please tell me at least one of you got that joke).

It all goes back to when I was seven and I decided I wanted to be an artist. I would copy cartoon characters from comics and tv shows, the x-men and Dragon Ball characters were top of the list. But as time passed I wanted to be seen as more grown up, I started writing poetry and wearing black. I was a very young goth and clearly very self important... some things never change I guess!

Suddenly I found t…

The year of finishing

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This year for me is all about finishing things I’ve started. Last year ended with me feeling stuck in a rut. The same things seemed to circle back around like my life is a never ending loop of events. The same feelings, the same fears, the same anxiety.

So I decided this would be the year I finish things... you know that long list of stuff you halfstart or half plan or intend to do one day? This is my year of tackling that list.

Some are small things, like I keep taking up French and not practicing it enough. I’m happy to say I’m on a perfect streak in my Duolingo learning app. It might not be the degree level French I dreamt of as a kid, but I’m finally putting effort into learning and practicing what I consider one of the most beautiful languages in the world.

I’ve started sketching again, finishing small art ideas like this one... where I mix my passion for yoga and nudes...
 Two of my biggest projects remained, until recently, unfinished. I started writing a novel called Sarah ov…

Life lessons: a 2017 tale

Life unfortunately has no rule book, no set of instructions, and no guarantees... well, maybe death and taxes.  I’ve started 2018 in a very different situation to where I was when 2017 began.

Although for most 2017  was a tough year, my year had some really high highs. I got a job I enjoyed, in an industry I'm passionate about, using skills that were otherwise going to waste... I got experience I needed to move on, I was just not expecting to have to move on so soon.

For nine months 2017 was all smooth sailing, personally and professionally. I created more art than I have done in years, collaborated on multiple writing projects and progressed the novel I've been working on for the past 15 months... (more on that to come)

The final three months of the year felt a bit more like skidding on my knees over gravel. Good things came of that too though... I will always try to find the silver lining in any situation. Things I learned last year:
1. Digital art
It was something I had b…

A #tbt poem - Sirens

Time for the first #throwbackThursday of the year.  Writing poetry has always helped me pull out the weird voice in my head and give it a good talking to. The sticky thoughts that clog up my daily routine are easier dealt with on paper.

My mind likes to find a rhyme, the rhythm of poetry synchronises with my thoughts and it’s something I’ve always felt in tune with... no matter what anyone else thinks, I love poetry.

And I’ll never forget the creative writing teacher who told me poetry was just not for me... it always reminds me that you can’t let anyone else define you. Be who you want to be, live how you want to live. You get to make your own rules, and only you can bend them.
Sirens Her ghoulish teeth dripped with spit  Sharpened claws caked with grit And still, she approaches And still, you allow it
Her mouth expels hate and bile  Foul sounds behind a smile And still, she approaches And still, you allow it
Broken bones inside your ears From screeches filled with tears And still, s…

Unhappiness, a Christmas story

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I've been feeling pretty down lately, worse than I have in a while. I couldn't shrug it off, couldn't put my finger on what the actual issue was... but something has been feeling wrong. Maybe just the holiday blues? Maybe I'm (definitely) feeling insecure? Maybe I should put this drink down...?

I've spent some time thinking of possible reasons... and for a girl with a good imagination that's probably not a great idea. Each option has become increasingly wilder and more plausible. Overthinking is the enemy.

And then today one little conversation made me realise what the issue is.
Doing nothing makes me unhappy! To the core. By nature I'm a busy person. Don't get me wrong, I like the unusual chance of getting a lie in... but that's just it! I enjoy a lie in because it's unusual. If I stayed in bed every day until 10 followed by a day on the couch I think I'd go insane.

My mind needs structure and organisation... which is sorta considered odd …

The diffculty with finding a moment to pause

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Sometimes life just gets a little busy... especially during the holidays I have a way of getting carried away with life. Work, socialising, family... dating. They all seem to find some of my time, they all have a place in my life. Pausing to take stock isn't something I always get to in a hurry. Weeks will pass and my well intentioned hour of writing turns into an hour of cheering up a friend who needs my time.

Giving that up isn't who I am, and I knowingly let my writing suffer sometimes. But I enjoy making people happy, it's where I find the most joy. And although writing is a passion, I find that there's always a quiet 2 a.m. on a Saturday that I can devote to a self indulgent chapter in a novel or a 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning I can dedicate to perfecting a smile on a painting. People are what life is about, a novel won't keep you warm at night.

With all that said, I know that the holidays exacerbate this so called problem, and once the cold January nights rol…